inside-out
maryann c
libra
mississauga
toodles.
believe
Do not dwell in the past,
do not dream of the future,
concentrate the mind on the present moment.
11:38 AM
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
How can ever really express how deeply hurt I was... how much can I tell you that you've shattered my heart into a million pieces. I keep coming back to that day of how much I thought you really cared when all you did was throw everything out. After all we've been through and ways for me to lessen the stress, you managed to put more anguish, humiliation and anxiety. Every time I remember your face and hers, my stomach feels sick and I feel disgusted. If this is what you really do outside, what else have you done? I have never stopped you from going out, hanging out or even sat down with you about how much I trusted you. I trusted you well enough to know that my boyfriend of 3 years, who I own 2 properties with is mature enough to know the difference with what is right and wrong. You picked the worse timing to ever put me in a position to either walk away or stay. How can I ever face you knowingly that you've done that. There's no excuse in the world for any girlfriend or boyfriend to sit there and watch the person you love to sweep someone else off their. I stood by you for 3 years in sickness, through the rough times, through the many amazing trips and in desperate times and this is how you've shown what our relationship means to you. I keep telling myself that I can get over this, but there you are just even contemplating about the consequences of your actions. There is no forgetting this and I want to know that. There is only a chance of forgiveness. I've always put my trust in you which never made me doubt us until now. Was is ever so hard to figure out what was so important of you going and doing that, then denying it? The moment I would think I'm okay, there's always that smirking face of yours staring at her. I hope that night was worth it and cause there are consequences for your actions. Your friends are band not because I said so, it's because you made it so. It's not my fault that I couldn't go clubbing which you initially blamed on me but yours. Being in this place seems like I don't belong in here especially the girls you brought didn't even know who else is paying for this condo. I've accepted all your friends, the druggies and the pathetic ex of yours who claims to know nothing without even a single judgement passed on them until now. Have you ever thought about that you're not single? Or are you ever ready to grow up? Or have you given up on this relationship because you're just too good for it? There no hesitation in my heart to ever leave someone if there's nothing in there. You've seriously hurt me so badly that I really don't know how long my heart will heal. Can you just imagine how I felt hearing and seeing those things and in desperation, stood in front of the both of you hoping you'd realized you've just crushed me. Even that night, I never once said that it over or hated you but felt that is what you did without those words. I have given you everything, my heart and soul into working things out but it's so hard for me to see if you are still the same person. Even though in the past we fought but I fought back to earn your trust again but you've just questioned why you should try. I'm not asking, I am begging you to win my trust to save myself and yourself from completely throwing everything away.
